I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
