I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
