I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
