The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize