I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh god it's open bar.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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