its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
