God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
