On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
