im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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