I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
