We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
