He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
