He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
