like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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