she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
