Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I AM VODKA MAN
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
