it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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