Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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