Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
