It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
