Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
