News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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