At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
