i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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