Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
