Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
