what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
