Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
