We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
