Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
