On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
