I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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