if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
