Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
