I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Sober January is a disaster.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
