how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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