I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
