I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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