mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
