somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
