You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
