i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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