dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
