Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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