Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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