thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
