the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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