She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
