so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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