my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
